Monday, June 4, 2012

Sense of Failure

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get...

Heard that once, and it describes where I am. So many projects to finish up...CEUs, TNR proposal,  have decided to put off applying for grad school...I don't care if there IS a full-ride grant available...if I flunk out because my brains are scrambled, it will just make life harder.

I used to be a shining star with so much potential...straight As, geek and comfortable with that, then I started getting sick in my late teens and we didn't know what to call it back then.

Now I just have to decide how I want the next year to go. I need to take it easy on myself, but not be aimless. I need to decide where I want my life to go.

If the VNS works, I should be in a lot better shape in another year than I am now. THEN I can make more "serious" decisions, more committed decisions with long-term ramifications.

It's hard to see myself as disabled, or at least inconvenienced. But it's where I am. Not WHAT I am.

Rambling now.

So tired and scramble-brained (a term I much prefer to my mother's descriptor scatter-brained).

No comments:

Post a Comment