Scars are on left chest and to the left of my voice box. Glued not stitched, so there should be less scarring.
Voice is already starting to change a bit, just because of how deep he had to go to get to my vagus nerve. As long as I don't lose my southern accent I really have very little opinion about it. Lol
So tomorrow I have to get up, like, before God (not really I know) and be at UMC at 5:30 a.m.
Scared, excited. Mostly hopeful.
Well, I don't have enough vaca/sick leave to be out for surgery this week, but my husband and I talked long and hard about it over the weekend...
Basically, which is more important?
Putting it off, possibly indefinitely, because it might piss off a supervisor...
Or getting it done so I can get my life back, as well as respecting the fact that they have a crew of specialists lined up for Wednesday already scheduled...
I'll take the second option.
I'm sure I'm not the first person to make the observation that non-disabled people don't understand those of us with hidden disabilities.
"What do you mean, your head never really quits hurting?"
"No wonder you can't plan a vacation since you use up all your time sick and at doctor offices..."
"I hope you don't get behind on your paperwork."
And my favorite...
"You don't look sick..."
Hopefully this time next week I will be lying here recovering from VNS surgery...
I can't really afford the time off, being that migraines/seizures, and now a damn sinus infection, have eaten up all my vacation and sick leave. But in an effort to end the seizures and comorbid migraines, it might be a good investment...
I just want my life back.
F√¢|<ing headache and sinus infection for over a week. Lost 2 days of the time I was going to be off for surgery, and I don't have the stamina to work over for the comp time I would need to be off. So will get with the doc and see if we can schedule the vns for the last work day in June so I can have off the week of July 4. Which would out better for me recovery-wise anyway.
I don't know if it's a seizure or a reaction to the benadryl, but I feel so out of sync with the world. Like I'm supposed to be somewhere else, or doing something else...
Strange....
Very unsettling ....
Caught the freakin' summer sinus crap that's going around. Treating it with over the counter meds because my nurse practioner won't prescribe anything 2 weeks out from surgery, and knowing this surgery clinic it will take them a week to return the call.
Here goes nothin'!
Got my final CEU certificate today!
So one less thing for me to stress over...license should be renewed before June 30, with a few days to spare!
Now I'm going to take a nap. That little seizure did my energy level in...
Funny, the milder seizures tend to take the most out of me...
The hurrier I go, the behinder I get...
Heard that once, and it describes where I am. So many projects to finish up...CEUs, TNR proposal, have decided to put off applying for grad school...I don't care if there IS a full-ride grant available...if I flunk out because my brains are scrambled, it will just make life harder.
I used to be a shining star with so much potential...straight As, geek and comfortable with that, then I started getting sick in my late teens and we didn't know what to call it back then.
Now I just have to decide how I want the next year to go. I need to take it easy on myself, but not be aimless. I need to decide where I want my life to go.
If the VNS works, I should be in a lot better shape in another year than I am now. THEN I can make more "serious" decisions, more committed decisions with long-term ramifications.
It's hard to see myself as disabled, or at least inconvenienced. But it's where I am. Not WHAT I am.
Rambling now.
So tired and scramble-brained (a term I much prefer to my mother's descriptor scatter-brained).
Dinner now takes twice as long to cook as before, because I can't concentrate on two dishes at once.
Like this chicken and egg noodle creation from last night...
Had to do the chicken first. Then the noodles. Can't do both on separate burners because inevitably one will scorch.
Grrr...
Woke up shaky, blood sugar through the floor, must do simple stuff like remember to eat at regular intervals.
BTW Krystal makes awesome scramblers!
Took cat to vet to the tune of $258.00.
Lost the container to mix the medicine they gave me IN THE VAN DURING THE 10 MINUTE DRIVE HOME!!!
Talk about a frustrating Brain Fart!
Napping now to see if I can get functional for the rest of the day, which unfortunately will involve clothes shopping, which I hate. I've picked up several summer blouses which should be incision-friendly, but need a skirt or two to make them friendly for work in summer in Mississippi.
I despise interruptions in my routine, particularly extended ones which require my undivided attention.
Does anyone have ANY freakin' idea how unsettling this is for the rest of my day???
VERY frustrating, and short of a nap, my body won't "reset".
Grrrrr.......
I should know not to stay up late reading but I was THIS || close to finishing a book. Finally found one written in such a way that I could understand it while remaining interested.
No complex story twists, no alternate realities, no vampires. Just a little action and romance...a light read...the kind of free Kindle download I reserve for times like this.
Got TONS of books on the Kindle. Been through several trying to find one I'm into, but I can't focus on any of them.
By the time I read the second paragraph, I have forgotten what happened in the first one and am completely lost.
Or I read a few lines and they might as well be in Swedish for all my comprehension.
To get an idea how frustrating this is...I can frequently put away two full length novels in an evening, or three on a day off.
Almost forgot the damn near irresistible sleepiness that overtakes me during this phase.
Regular lack of sleep or rough nights can be remedied by 5-Hour Energy the next morning. Not this.
During this phase, I will even go home for lunch and fall into a hard sleep for as long as I can get away with it.
Terrified of the storms coming through today. After the flood last year where we lost nearly everything, I don't "do" rain...
PTSD is what they call it.
I freak out with severe or prolonged rain. Probably will never get in a swimming pool, lake, or ocean again. Don't like my daily showers and DESPISE taking bubble baths.
There is some discussion as to whether the VNS might be effective with the PTSD, and the depression/anxiety that go along with my particular seizure disorder.
Not much if any research on those yet.
But I'm a "perfect storm" of mental health issues, and if it helps with those, then there will at least be an anecdotal case with me.
Now I'm at work so I have to go pretend I'm not coming unglued inside as this storm gets closer.
